Dear Past Me, I’m sorry…

Apology

Some people say, Apology is a sign of weakness. We are reluctant to say sorry because we don’t want to admit we were wrong. We tend to view apology as a sign of weak character. But in fact, it requires a great strength for someone to say ‘I’m sorry’. And i believe that i’m strong enough for me to utter these two words to myself.

Dear Me, 

I’m sorry.

You were 5 years old or so when you cried yourself to sleep because you want to sleep with your mom. It was then that i learnt that you are an emotional person. I still remember those days when you were still trying so hard to achieve everything you wanted, until you just got tired of receiving nothing. Dear, i’m sorry for not letting you know that i really feel proud of those hardships. I’m sorry for not letting you know that those things you’ve done will pay off, SOON, but not now, not yet.

Fast forward 5 years and you achieved some of your dreams, you ranked first on your class, you had your reward and you promised me that you’ll achieve more. But everything seems to be going wrong. Your grades were starting to get low. I apologize, you were wrong for thinking that you’ve disappointed yourself, or me because no. You didn’t. I’m sorry for not being able to tell you that what happened before was normal. Your rank was getting low not because you were stupid or whatsoever, but because others were trying harder than before. Honestly, you did great! I’m sorry for not leading you to acceptance. I should’ve thought you that concept earlier, then you could have gone better and you could have moved on faster after that sad and disappointing times of your life.

You were 13 years old and you were heartbroken once more. This time, i’m scared that you would stumble so much that you won’t be able to rise again. I prevented you from healing the scars you got because i thought that was the best thing to do for you to forget. I locked and caged you into your bad memories because i though that was the best. I did that because i didn’t want you to feel the different pain you’ve felt before. But i was wrong. I’m so sorry for underestimating you. I’m sorry for not realizing that you’re so much more than what i though of you. Above all else, i’m sorry for not believing that you were strong enough; that you were brave enough to rise again; and that you’re wise enough to know what was right and wrong.

Again, i’m sorry. Please forgive me.

Now, i’ll grab this opportunity to tell you this, because i don’t want to disappoint you once again. Me, there are so much more to come, please be prepared.

Love,

Yourself. ♥